Hope for Today

October 21, 2013November 12, 2013Leave a comment

As some of you know, I am the proud parent of a rescued chihuahua. Her name is Luna and we are absolutely in love with her. Luna has made the rounds being in and out of people’s homes – she is an older dog and is blind in one eye. We know that she was in a home where there was a “bad divorce”. I’m sure you can imagine what that means. I’m told she wasn’t abused but I’m sure she witnessed a lot of yelling and ugly behavior. Now she cowers and puts her tail between her legs when encountering new people. She is friendly and will warm up, but I can assure you she was not very thrilled to discover she was leaving her foster mom they day we adopted her. I get the impression that the husband in that situation was mean to her because almost three weeks later she is still not completely comfortable with Scott.

Luna has become very attached to me since that day though. She is very loving, cuddly, and when I’m with her she never leaves my side. She reminds me of my own traumas when I think of hers. There is no way of knowing what the future holds. It can get better.

We can hope, wish, pray, plan, but whatever will be will be. Often when things have been negative, traumatic, or just less than ideal for us we tend to get stuck into thinking that is how it will always be. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I knew that I wanted a small dog for quite a while. But I didn’t know I would find the perfect dog for me. I think of her as my furry little soul mate 🙂 And if dogs could think about the future, I’m she wouldn’t have known she was going to be lovingly spoiled by new parents at her age. But she is. And we are happy to do it!

Have hope for today. As bleak as it may seem at times, we never know what will be there around the bend. I know that trying to be positive can seem fake and un-realistic at times. Try being neutral. Remember that part of mindfulness is being non-judgmental. Try getting out of the all-or-nothing thinking and remember there are often numerous possibilities.

Journal prompt: What are you hopeful about today? What are ways that you can balance looking forward to the future while remaining grounded in your present?

Spotlight on Mindfulness

October 12, 2013October 12, 2013Leave a comment

Those of you who know me know that I use mindfulness in my personal and professional life. It is something that I very much believe in, and practice as much as possible. I think it is a valuable tool that keeps me going. It really has changed my life.

I used to be a person that either lived so much in the past or became easily consumed with the future at any given moment. I would get stuck in bad memories, focusing on what could have been or what I could have done differently about it. What my life would have, could have, should have been if… (fill in the blank). Those pesky ‘what ifs’ get us trapped in worry about the future as well. It can paralyze us and prevent us from following through on a decision. Keeping yourself so consumed with the future is not productive either.

We can learn from the past, and we can prepare for our future, but what we have is right now. This present moment. We have right now to live for.

Mindfulness doesn’t mean that you can’t look back on fond memories, or look forward to something in your future. We can learn from our past, and we can prepare for something upcoming that might be difficult. Be careful however that you don’t become so consumed by it that you are missing out on today.

I’d also like to add a word on being non-judgmental and on gratitude. Part of mindfulness, about being in the present moment, is to be as non-judgmental as possible. Try to be an observer to your current experience – inside and outside of yourself. Try to limit placing value or meaning to it. Especially when this can lead to negativity. Its easy to be hard on ourselves – many of you can relate to this! Instead of calling ourselves “stupid”, “worthless”, or so many other things we put onto ourselves, try staying neutral. Things do not have to be good or bad. It doesn’t have to be black and white – there are many shades of gray.

Remind yourself of what you are grateful for. What do you appreciate at this moment? Currently in your life? Sometimes that can being us back into the present. Maybe you are grateful for your friendships, your health, your home, or your pets. With so much anxiety and stress we can lose sight of the things in our lives that enrich them. Try not to lose sight or take anything or anyone for granted.

Journal prompt: What do you have to be grateful for today? In this present moment? What is going on in your present awareness that you can learn from?

See ‘Coping 101’ for links for more info and tips on mindfulness!

pjlupinetti (dot) com

September 30, 2013Leave a comment

I am super excited to announce some new changes on my website!

It now has a much easier web address (as long as you can remember how to spell my name!) – pjlupinetti (dot) com. Here’s a trick, it means little wolf in Italian (lupin = wolf, etti= little).

If you haven’t already had a chance to see, I have created a page “Let’s Get Started”. Now named “Coping 101”, it has some great links to information on mindfulness and journaling – two of my go-to’s when I start working with most clients. I’m hoping to add much more to that page, so check back soon!

Please feel free to reach out with any questions.

Thanks for following my blog!

Sitting with the Yuck

September 27, 2013Leave a comment

This past weekend I attend the first session of a two-day class with my friend and colleague Annie Fisher on Inner Relationship Focusing. It reminds me of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy in ways. There is a lot of just being with “it” – whatever “it” might be to you. For those of us with anxiety, that can be torturous! You want me to sit and pay attention to my hurt? my worry? my pain?! – You’ve got to be out of your mind! Just like a crying child that needs attention, so do these different parts of ourselves. When we don’t listen to these parts of ourselves and it is too uncomfortable to sit with the yuck, what happens? I have found that’s when (what focusing calls) the protector comes out. The protector says, no, we will not listen to the pain. Let’s eat! Let’s rearrange the living room! Let’s have a few (or more) drinks!

What would it be like to just sit and allow yourself to be sad? In DBT we call this “ride the wave”. Emotions are like waves in the ocean – they build, crest, then yield. When we try to fight the waves in the ocean, what might happen? We get knocked down, pulled under, and defeated. Let yourself be with the emotion instead of distracting yourself or fighting it. See if you can just sit and listen to what it has to say. Maybe you are meant to learn something from it. Sit with the discomfort, say ‘hello’ to that part of yourself that really wants to be heard.

Journal prompt: Try to sit with mindful attention for five full minutes. Record your experience when you are done.

Tranquil Inspiration

September 15, 2013Leave a comment

In the past month, I have been fortunate enough to receive inspiration, positive energy, and education from Kimberly Wilson of Tranquility du Jour! Last month, it was a four day retreat in West Virginia. Yesterday, her first stop on the Tranquility Tour in my hometown neighbor of Philadelphia. Kimberly is a yoga instructor, artist, social worker, philanthropist, author, & much more. There are many things that have resonated with me since getting to know her – online and in person. Overall, what’s been so important is the inspiration that comes from her.

I’ve always been into the idea of creating something important – personally and professionally. Thankfully for me, in my profession and with my experiences, that gets to over-lap quite a bit! I’ve learned so much more than I could ever express about human behavior, cultures, diversity, sexuality, feelings & emotions, interpersonal effectiveness, communication, tolerance, acceptance, and self-care. This is not only in my structured learning environments of school, internships, and on-the-job training. It is so much more so in my daily interactions with people. I’ve learned so much about people, life, and of myself in working with the diversity of clients I have had. I am very grateful for this knowledge.

So what is the next step? How can I continue to evolve and reach others – not just face to face but on a larger scale? For now, it is going to be here on this blog. With inspiration from others and a sparked creativity and passion inside of me, it is falling into place what I need to do. I will continue to write on this blog & create a resource sharing center on this website. In thinking about dreams and goals – one day there will be workshops, speakings at conferences, and retreats.

Dream big! Write it down! Tell a loved one! Create some accountability in your execution of your dreams – don’t keep it a secret anymore.

Journal prompt: What kind of life do you want? How can you create that in the future? How can you create that today?

Tranquility Tour in Philly

September 4, 2013September 4, 2013Leave a comment

Click on the picture above to find out more info about the Tranquility Tour with Kimberly Wilson!

Coming to Philadelphia, PA on Saturday, September 14th – register now for a 2 1/2 hour workshop, signed copy of her new book Tranquilologie, a goody bag (I’ve been the recipient of Kimberly’s goody bags before – quite a treat!), and participation in a live podcast recording. The workshop will include a seated yoga practice (no mat or experience required), mindfulness meditation, art journaling, and probably some fun surprises!

I’ll be there, and I’d love to see you!

Fall Fresh Start

September 2, 2013October 24, 2013Leave a comment

Whether or not you are a teacher, student, or parent of school-age children, fall seems to have the energy of a fresh start. We trained our brains for so long to look at a new school year as a brand new year. Now that we may be out of school it can still be a time for resolutions. Clearing out, cleaning out, and starting fresh. This can be something as simple as your home or car – separating out toss, keep, or donate. Hoping cool autumn air will be on its way soon so that we can save energy from the AC and open up our windows – letting that stale air out.

What can be more difficult is starting fresh with ourselves and our relationships. Think about what changes you would like to see for yourself. Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? Are the relationships in your life serving you – is it a relationship, or a relationshit? Prioritize your needs by thinking of the major aspects of our lives:

Love & Intimacy
Relationships – Friends
Relationships – Family
Physical Well-being/Health
Spirituality
Fun & Play
Learning
Finances
Work/Career
Helping Others/Philanthropy

If you had to rate each of these categories on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest), what areas shine and what areas could use some attention? This rating system resembles the Wheel of Life that we can use visually to help us see the balance, or lack thereof, in our lives.

While on my Tranquility Summer Camp retreat in mid-August, the lovely Kimberly Wilson had us journal and meditate on this exercise. (*Will be writing more about my experiences from my retreat soon!*)

Don’t stop with your assessment though. Come up with a plan. Look at the areas that have a lower score that you would like to see increased. What are you going to do to get that number up? Or maybe you want to focus on the areas that have high numbers, and think about how you are going to maintain it.

Please enjoy the start of your fall! Take time to slow down in the transition to reflect on where you are in your life, and how you can make the most out of your everyday!

Remaining Well While on Vacation

August 25, 2013August 25, 2013Leave a comment

While spending the weekend in beautiful Cape May, I am reminded of several things. I am reminded first of all how wonderful this town is – how cute, magical, and peaceful. I am grateful for the opportunity to take trips away from home. I am grateful that my fiancé and I are able to take time for ourselves. I am grateful for his company, and his patience for my love of boutique shopping 😉

I am also reminded that no matter where you go, that’s where you are. By this I mean that we have to remember to perform self-care, exercise mindfulness, and be kind to our inner child. Even on vacation. Despite being surrounded by serenity, triggers may pop up unexpectedly. Being prepared with a self-soothing plan – using your five senses to ground you into your environment – can be a sure way to help you back down from that spiral into anxiety or depression.

Ask yourself: What do I see? What do I feel or touch (i.e. temperature, fabric)? What do I hear? What do I smell? What do I taste (i.e. chewing gum, a hard candy, a lingering taste of coffee or green tea)? Bring yourself back to the present. Tell yourself: It is 2013. I am (fill in the blank) years old. I am in this location (fill in the blank here too). I am in the here and now. Tell yourself if it feels appropriate to do so: I am safe.

Often we can experience an out of body feeling, which can coincide with the slippery slope of what-if thinking. We are shifting from present to past, or present to future and are not enjoying or experiencing the present moment.

A lovely gift from boutique owner Crystal Hardin at the Mermaid’s Cove is this book I am reading through, “Heart of a Buddha”. Here are some quotes to remind us of how to be in our present moment.

“We are what we think.”
“All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.”
“Nothing is permanent. Nothing is worthy of anger. Nothing is worthy of dispute. Nothing.”
“Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Take time to slow down and be present as your summer begins to wind down into the new year of autumn.

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

August 21, 2013August 21, 20132 Comments

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

Two links for information on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Have you ever heard anyone talk about the acronyms like ENFP or ISTJ? These are two different personality types out of a possible sixteen. Take this online test for fun, but follow up with a professional for a more accurate result & assessment of the types.

My type: ENFJ: Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.
(from myersbriggs.org)